I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
