I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
