chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
