I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
