I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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