I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
