you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
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