Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
