In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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