I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
