so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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