Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
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And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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