It's Friday. Sex?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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