he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
