I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
