It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
