i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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