ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
