People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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