Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
