There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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