I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
