he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
