I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
