You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
