yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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