She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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