So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
even my farts smell like vagina
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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