I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
