that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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