is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
