if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
