my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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