i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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