if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So many bounce houses so little time
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
