What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
