Is it normal to miss your booty call?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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