OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
