she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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