You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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