I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
