i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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