our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
