Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
