i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
