You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
