The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize