i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
