if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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