At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
