I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
