Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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