Ketchup is God's man juice
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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