Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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