Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He kissed a someone with a penis
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
