What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
