I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She swung at the pinata with crutches
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
