The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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