what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize