Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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