so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
