Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
