Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
