just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
