She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
