I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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