last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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