Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
