hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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