You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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