Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
