am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
