I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
