I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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