You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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