Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
whose parrot is this?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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