When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He has the fingertips of a God
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
