I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
